— the laid.back buddhist —

Maybe it’s not a u-turn after all

I want to thank you. For your friendship, patience and humor.

Have wanted to express that sentiment for some time now. Like sudden epiphanies—it was wished for sooner, but came not a moment too late. So I thank you, for having made me both deliriously happy and yet ridiculously scared. You brought out some deep insecurities I hadn’t been aware of and some of the boldest courage I didn’t realize I possessed. But that’s not what I’m going to remember you for…

I thank you, for making me realize that I did not find myself once again but am finding out the person I am going to be.

If change is a continual process, then so is acceptance.

For awhile I had to constantly keep reminding myself of that: those things are different…I am a different person today. Like, I’ll take something really mundane. Say, these new shoes I’m wearing—they’re different. So is the ground, that path I walk on as I take the detour around all that new construction going on around here.

It’s those little things, you see. Those subtle changes speak of a major change in my attitude—whether it’s the new hair color (brown instead of red) or body lotion (lavender instead of rose). Because it all points back to me, being becoming different. Things aren’t the same, and a damned good thing they aren’t. It’s like a you-can-do-it mantra you just have to keep repeating whenever you feel yourself slipping back into self-destruct mode. That, or re-watch Enchanted* for an instant pick-me-upper!

As each day brings me closer to the one year mark…the last week of May (with the biggest hurdle probably being April 16^th), I find myself celebrating those small internal victories no one ever knows more and more often.

And so, I thank you. While remembering to give myself a pat on the back, too.

*Becoming Jane, Ratatouille, Over the Hedge, and Little Miss Sunshine are excellent alternatives as well.