Sometimes, I like asking people whose opinion I value and respect what they think. Although most times, I ask after the fact just to get a different point of view. And almost always, I end up doing what I want to do anyhow, taking into consideration what I feel to be the most important. No wonder my grandmother told my mom I’m a willful child. Or maybe it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy, hmm…
Anyhow, this is particularly true for matters of the heart, since I’m not one to hide it. For one thing, I can’t do that very well, as one of my good friends from high school can help illustrate:
“Ok, ok, let’s practice.”
“Shoot.”
“So, I show up at your door with flowers, what are you gonna say? I’m him.”
“Hmm, I guess I’d get real quiet because I’d try not to show my emotions.”
He laughs at me, “You can’t do that!”
“What!?”
“That shows the most!”
“Oh. Well, that’s what I did last time, damnit.”
“No, do something that you know he wouldn’t expect. What would he not expect you to do?”
This is tricky, so after contemplating it for a moment, I finally say, “I guess I’d whack him for doing something that’d make me cry.”
“No, no, no…” He gives an exasperated chuckle, “You can’t do that either!”
“Darn.” This is hard.
He goes on to explain, “’Cause then it’ll show him he can make you cry.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” But ever the Hopeful Heart, I charge ahead, “Let’s try another scenario? Maybe?”
“Haha, okay. Let’s say he calls you and asks you to do something with him—“
“I don’t pick up!!!” I say excitedly before realizing, “But then it goes to voicemail, and I’d have to call back…”
Unsurprisingly, we never really did resolve my issue to a satisfactory conclusion, although I definitely felt a lot better. And started seeing the lighter side of things, so to speak.
I suppose if we’re really going to analyze the situation here, I don’t believe in hiding emotions (professionalism excluded, of course) of my heart because I don’t want to ruminate about those What Ifs or swallow bittersweet regrets.
Or maybe I do regret some things, and am only in denial. But I figure if I know that I wouldn’t have done things any other way (even if looking back I probably should have), then at least I can let go and move on.
Then again it can very well be the utter lack of control over certain situations or knowing beforehand it’s really gonna hurt me something terrible that causes me the most stress. Either way, all I know is that I haven’t felt this much stress since my laptop took a swim a few weeks ago. Which, get this, got fixed for FREE by an on-site Sony technician!!!! I mean, there’s a slightly faded 1” vertical strip that wasn’t there before, but they extended my warranty 90 days…so, I’ll be getting a new LCD screen, too!
And sooo, who totally ROCKS? *raises hand*
Alright, I ought to stop my blogging and start all those papers I need to do, all of which are currently nonexistent. Well, unless you count blank Word documents with saved titles…
…in which case, they’d only be nearly nonexistent, right?
